you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
