I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
