Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
