ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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