Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
