Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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