is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
