never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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