Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
