I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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