got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
