Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
