Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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