Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
