is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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