i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
