What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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