This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
