why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
