the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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