She is in my trunk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
