I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
