I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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