you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
