from now on my penis is your penis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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