Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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