I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
