I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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