OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
