hotel room ftw
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
