so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
