I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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