I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
