So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
