It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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