batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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