She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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