There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
