The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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