can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
