I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
