Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
