We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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