This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
