Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
