i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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