i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
