I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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