I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
