i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
