So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
