what day is it and did you see me today?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
