If that was your dad, he is hot
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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