I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
